Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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