last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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