omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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