fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
