remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
