it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
