Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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