last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
