living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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