i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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