You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize