walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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