Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
