my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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