my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
