She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
