What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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