Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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