I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
