tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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