i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Randomize
