You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
