So drunk its hurt
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
