Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
