no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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