you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we're so committed to being not committed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
