im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
