it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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