The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
