then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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