I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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