that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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