Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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