Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
