worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
