Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
