i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Welp...herpes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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