Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
