I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize