He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Two words: blizzard sex
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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