I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
