then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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