I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper