The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????