dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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