she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
