god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Life is so much better after having sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
