i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
