I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
