I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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