no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
