i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
