Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
