My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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