when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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