Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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