I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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