I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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