At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
