Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
