9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
