The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
whose parrot is this?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
