I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
