Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can text with my tongue
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
