How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was born a porn star she said
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
