Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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