After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
