i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
