420 ftw
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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