today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
