Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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